I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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