just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
