"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
