Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
