I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
