i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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