Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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