i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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