We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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