Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
