Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
