I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
