I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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