The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
