I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize