Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
