2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
3 2 1 whiskey
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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