you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
