so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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