this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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