I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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