Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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