I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
