wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
