You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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