I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
