I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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