How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
