my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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