Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
