; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
