he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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