Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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