i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
