Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
