Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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