apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
