Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
