sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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