Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
