i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
