3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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