farters have to be the big spoon...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
