It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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