dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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