Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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