The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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