her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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