she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
