maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
