We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
