are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
