T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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