all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
