Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
