I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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