I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
