Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
