my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
