I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
