I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
