are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
