dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
