i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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