Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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