your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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