matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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