You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
