So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
love makes seman taste better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
