the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
