Got a toothbrush?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
