There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize