pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
