I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
