when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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