I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize