i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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